Early Riser Disco Centre

Mini Holland Scheme - Added September-26-14

Added by: Matt Stolton - Director

Mini Holland "Trial" - 26th September to 13th October 2014:


"OK, you're a cyclist - fair enough for trying to personally save the world, by not outputting so much CO2 and NOx. Very commendable. I understand some of us vehicle drivers don't make life very easy for you to. Sorry about that, but the lane I'm in, in my huge 3.5T Van, full of heavy sound gear which the average bus can't accommodate, only just fits in the lane I'm in, so you trying to undertake on my nearside, isn't going to be possible. You may have to be patient, like I'm trying to be at this red light - might I recommend listening to Radio 2, seems to calm me down. Only don't listen to it on headphones, otherwise you can't hear the horn of that Truck coming towards you, where you jumped the red light to get ahead of my Van....."

Life, and particularly getting around to do it, is becoming irksome. We all have to be somewhere 5 minutes ago, and then there are the pressures on our consciences to do it in a green and planet friendly way. A person, commuting to work by bike, is a great way of saving the planet, and your health, from the evils of the modern living. However, trying to get to Ally Pally, with enough gear to rig two rooms, for a 1200 people event is not really practicable by bus, let alone over/underground, or more relevantly, by bike.

However, there seems to be more people commuting by bike, than 3.5T Vans or bigger doing deliveries, so I have been out voted. Annoying, perhaps, but I voted for someone once, and this allows them to do this.

"What is this" I hear you ask - Mini Holland.

Now, it appears the Dutch, a bunch famed for cycling, by virtue of it being really flat out there, have some pretty novel schemes to make cycling safe, and almost enjoyable. TFL, seem to think that making London accessible to cyclists, in a Dutch style, will mean the UK Government can meet some EU doctrine to meet reduced CO2 emissions by some date. Also may improve the health of people too. Everybody's a winner? Maybe.

Unfortunately, London's streets aren't very vehicle friendly, due to their ancient design and size, and it gets worse when you try to get Buses, Taxis and Motorbikes to share a lane with push bikes. Then throw in LBWF's ability to look for $$$$'s, and you get the LBWF Mini Holland project - TFL funded, implemented by the finest brains at Waltham Forest Council. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, they have decided to run a Trial scheme, around Walthamstow Village, as well as else where. So far so good. However, the devil is in the detail. If you happen to need to get somewhere, by anything other than a pedal cycle, they are making it achingly impossible. Happy Happy, Joy Joy.

If you are coming from the north of the Borough, say Chingford, or from The North Circular, I'm afraid your journey is going to be a bit longer, by about a mile. Same from the west, so our customers from Tottenham, or West Walthamstow, you to will have to have to burn more fossil fuel, chuck out more CO2 and NOx, and generally listen to more Radio 2 to keep calm. Sorry about that, but it is in the interest of the majority who cycle, for you do to this.

If your coming from LB of Redbridge, or Leyton/Leytonstone shouldn't be too much agro, but they have closed Grove Road's junction with Shernhall Street and Lea Bridge Road, so you have to mess about too, I'm afraid.

The easiest route to collect stuff from us, is by Lea Bridge Road, accessing the "Village" via Merton Road. The attached .pdf (below: "Related Documents") highlights the way in (and the odd way out).

IGNORE YOUR SAT-NAV. LBWF won't have updated the sat-nav companies for this "trial", so it will try and take you up roads that are either closed, or now one way, the other way. It is a mess. But it will stop the Speeding Rat Running that has been the scourge of the Village area - That evil scourge that the majority around these parts are not aware of. But it will stop it, which is nice, even if it didn't happen - evil bloody motorists, how dare they try and complete there journey....(Please re-read that last bit with a severe sarcastic tone)

To highlight how poorly thought out this scheme is, they seem to think their own refuse lorries can make it around some of the bends, and pull three point turns in the newly formed dead end streets. Not to mention how deliveries to any of the shops and business will actually be able to be fulfilled. But hey, progress is always painful isn't it? Just doesn't have to add the sort of pain you get from having a tooth pulled. You would also think, that a scheme that has polarised the area's residents to such an extent, would be cleanly implemented overnight, to smooth its grudging acceptance. Not so, it is being lashed up as I write this, so one one-way street has sort of changed, but the exit route hasn't. Genius, but welcome to the London Borough Of Waltham Forest. You get used to it.

If in doubt, give us a call, we will try our best to guide you in.

Long live democracy, our forebears fought and often died for it, for us to enjoy and savour. Hang on a moment: no-one even consulted me on this, let alone let me vote for it. Viv' La Revolution perhaps.....I'd better stick some Radio 2 on.

Related Documents:

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... I just wanted to say a huge thank you for the work that your lads did at the party...They did a superb job which ensured the whole event was a real success.

- Kathryn, Walthamstow

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- Ian, Manor Park

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